National Joke

West Ham beat Derby 5-0 at Pride Park. We're bottom of the league. We haven't scored for nine hours. Our goal difference is minus 26. Can it get any worse? Well, our next game is against Chelsea. I can't imagine what the score's going to be, plus we've games against Man U, Liverpool and Blackburn very soon.

Whenever I wear my Derby jacket in London people look at me with pity. We've now been labelled the worst team in the history of the Premiership.

Is there any hope? Well, there's always hope. We've been promised money to spend in January. Plus, there are other poor teams in the Premier League. But Billy Davies will need to perform another miracle. Best bet. Prepare for the Championship.